Let the Waiting Begin...

It's been recommended by many people to create a blog to document our adoption journey, not only for ourselves but for other people to share just in case they come into contact with a potential birth mom somehow.  I had my doubts just because I have a really hard time keeping up with blogs.  I’ve tried in the past and always forget about them, hopefully this time I’ll do better.  Here we goo….

 

It’s been 2 weeks since our information and profile has gone public. And boy what an emotional 2 weeks it has been.  We received our profiles on a Saturday and were so excited. They turned out perfectly.  Adam did the entire thing and did a fantastic job.  On the Thursday before we actually received an email from our caseworker regarding a baby that was born on June 16^th.  Our caseworker wanted to know if we were interested because the baby tested positive for drug exposure and the birth mom admitted to using cocaine, meth and heroin.  Hesitantly, we said yes.

 

We were told that because we received our profiles on Saturday, the office in which the birth mom was located should also get them on Saturday.  Unfortunately, the office did not get them in time so they could not show our profile to the mom. They got them on Tuesday and the mom looked at the profiles on Monday.

Baby #1 – no-go.  Which means that it just wasn’t meant to be.

 

We were given the timeline of 6-12 months of getting “linked” to a birth mom.  Our time was significantly reduced because we are open to a baby of any race and a baby who may have had alcohol/drug exposure. Apparently, most couples choose a perfect, white baby.  I was shocked by that.

 

The reality that this could happen a lot sooner than expected started to sink in shortly after baby #1 fell through.  A few friends and family approached Adam and I about throwing us a Preparing for Parenting Shower in August.  This is something that adoptive couples usually have while they are in the “waiting” stage of adopting.  We have nothing at this point so if, by some miracle, we had a baby in the new few months, we have nothing.  We are looking forward to it and can’t wait to celebrate with our family and friends.

We hadn’t heard anything…until yesterday.  I got a call, again, from our caseworker regarding a baby boy.  She was unsure of his due date but the mom got pregnant in the fall of 2013 so he would be arriving soon.  This case was “sticky” though, as she said.  I guess the baby was linked with an adoptive couple for the past 6-7 months but yesterday morning the couple decided to back-out.  I guess the mom went in for an ultrasound and the doctor noticed that  his legs were a little bit shorter than they should’ve been.  So they did a blood test to rule out some health conditions but in the process found traces of cocaine in his blood.  The doctors approached the mom (who, by the way, this was her 7^th baby. All 6 other babies are not with her…pretty messed up) to ask her about drug use.  Initially she told them that as soon as she found out that she was pregnant, she stopped using drugs and drinking.  Now she says that she does cocaine once a week and drinks a little beer each week.  Unfortunately, when a birth mom says this…she isn’t telling the whole truth.  It’s probably way more than that.

Also…this is a very needy birth mom.  The couple that she was linked to was giving her $1000 per month to help her pay her bills.  This money goes through the agency and then to the birth mom (no money given directly from the couple to mom) and I guess they weren’t paying all of their dues so, at this point, they still owed the agency $15,000. Because of all of this…the couple dropped out of the adoption.

Now, because of all the policies, whoever decides to pick up where that family left off gets that $15,000 burden ASIDE from the money they will owe as well.  Because of this…Adam and I had to turn it down.  It’s just not a situation we wanted to be involved in. At all. 

I got an email from the caseworker this morning…the baby was born last night. He seems healthy but is 6 weeks early and now, since he is here, they know that in total the new adoptive couple will owe around $40,000.  There’s just no way. It’s insane.  Generally, most adoptions cost around $20,000. To double that…is just crazy. That poor baby.

Baby #2 – no-go.  Which means that it just wasn’t meant to be.

 

So now we wait some more.  Because we have no preference in regards to race, our caseworker says that we will have a lot of prospects.  I’m remaining hopeful that our baby will find us soon. J

It’s just the waiting that is the hardest. Every time my phone rings I’m hoping that it is our caseworker telling me someone chose us to parent their baby. I’m also very inpatient, so that doesn’t help either.

 

We ask for everyone’s help in passing along our information and thank you all for doing so.

 

*love & hugs*

 - Katy