We are now in what you might call themostagonizingterribl,notgoodforimpatientpeopleever, stage - The Waiting Stage.
We've be "active" for a little bit longer than a month and have had no bites since baby #1 or baby #2. What is is that they say....3rd times a charm? Hopefully that 3rd time will come sooner rather than later.
For all we know, though, our profile could've been shown numerous times by now but we are not provided with that information. I suppose I could ask our caseworker, but I feel that is a bad idea. Just be patient. Just be patient.
I was reading an article today that a birth mom wrote regarding how she choose the adoptive family that would adopt her child. She says that most birth moms have certain things (likely 3 or 4) that have to be a for sure thing in regards to the adoptive couple in order for her to choose them. This particular birth mom said that her 3 things were: catholic, lived in the came city as her, and would keep the name of the baby that she had chosen.
Number 1 is one that we struggled with. We are not very religious, more...spiritual, if you will, and were concerned that that would play against us. Our caseworker, Heidi, says that it is usually not an issue unless you get a birth mom with strict religious beliefs. I would assume (and I may be wrong) that if you are someone who, let's say, is a teen mom and got pregnant...than...maybe your religious beliefs aren't so strong?? Because you are supposed to wait for marriage. I totally understand a birth mom wanting her baby to brought into a "good catholic household" if that is how she was raised, but I can't help but feel that is a little bit unfair.
Take this scenario (which actually happened to me!): I know someone who is a very religious person and is constantly telling me that she is going to "change" me someday (she knows what my beliefs are). I provided her with a copy of our profile so that she could take it to the church that she belongs to. She took it but her response to me was, "Ok..but I just want to let you know that the first question the people at my church are going to ask me is..."what church do they belong to?"..." I wasn't sure how to respond.
I was upset, actually. And offended. Does that mean that the people at her church (and her) believe that unless you are a religious person, you cannot be a good parent??!?!?!??!?! WHAT!?!?!?!?
I'm still speechless. So my response was, "Well..you can tell them that I was raised Methodist but at this point in time my husband and I are most of a spiritual couple."
Seriously though. I don't need saving. At all. Thanks but no thanks. I respect people who have those sorts of beliefs, and in some ways, do wish that I had that to fall back on and uplift me at time. But...I just can't make myself believe fully.
Anyway....I just hope that we aren't passed by from potential birth moms because we don't practice any sort of religion at this point in time. Who knows...maybe in the future that will change though.
In other news: Adam has been tirelessly working on Baby C's room. Since our Adoption Shower is in about a month (August 31!!! Don't forget to RSVP to Crystal if you are invited!), I wanted to make sure that the room is ready by then. That way we can set the room up if we get gifts. It. Looks. Awesome. He's about half done and has done a fantastic job painting. Only a select few people have seen the room but we are keeping it a secret mostly. :-)
No worries though! I have been taking pictures along the way to show what it looked like to beginning to end.
Don't forget to share share share. Feel free to share this blog and our profile (posted below) on your Facebook and tell your friends to share as well. We appreciate each and every one of you who have been on this emotional roller coaster with us.
http://adoptionassociates.net/profile-family/363
I'm not anti-religion but I have little respect for anyone who claims to know better, or thinks we need to be "worked on," as if I/we haven't spent any part of our lives thinking about this issue to come to the kind of decision I/we have about religion and spirituality.
ReplyDeleteIn these cases religion is most often used to mean "a prescribed set of moral values." In other words, the birth mother is (rightfully) terrified, and having a list of familiar ideals she knows that a potential family will live by is undoubtedly very comforting. Without this, it adds a layer of complexity to know the family she's giving her child to may not have a list, or, if they do, it may not match hers. So we're patiently waiting for someone who is comfortable enough with that complexity, which I would rather do than try to convince someone why we are "just as good as them." The reason I am so offended by the responses you list is that it implies we have no value system or have no plans to raise a positive contributing member of society.
It would be easier, perhaps, to work with an agency not based on religion. Unfortunately I am not aware of any that cater exactly to what we're looking for. This was a struggle because it meant we had to actively participate ("do business") with an organization that actively practices hate and discrimination (one of the "guiding principles" was that they do not adopt to homosexuals). All the while being coached on "white privilege" and how to be aware of it and in some cases use it to educate the less informed in cases of inter-racial adoption. But that could be another blog post entirely.